This article was originally featured on ResistanceTV.
The Internet Dismissal!
Something that I have noticed in this age of online discussion and debate is that people often dismiss what others say because of certain facts about them, whether that’s facts about their race, life experience, gender, or other things. If you have experienced something in your life that is persistent and at least sometimes very difficult to deal with, such as infertility, depression, singleness, unwanted pregnancy, divorce, unjust discrimination, or a myriad of other struggles, it can be easy to dismiss the wisdom, advice, or arguments of people who have not gone through what you have gone through. In this tense political and racial climate, I often hear people dismiss each other’s arguments because of their race. Some black Americans will dismiss anything a white person says about racial injustice. In the abortion debate, it is common for women to dismiss pro-life arguments because the arguments are coming out of the mouths of men. I certainly understand this mentality and see where it comes from. As someone who has been single for a longtime, it can be easy to dismiss the things people who have been married since their early 20’s say to me about singleness. One one hand, it makes sense, since they have not experienced the particular trials of long-term singleness and don’t understand what it is like. Personal experience does give a person valuable insight into the circumstances they have experienced, so it makes sense to think that the lack of that experience means that the person also lacks that insight.
I don’t, however, think that people should always be dismissed if they do not or have not personally experienced certain circumstances in life. Just because someone hasn’t experienced something you or I are struggling with doesn’t mean that person has nothing good, true, helpful, wise, or valuable to say. There are a couple of reasons why I think this is the case.
Don’t be so hasty to Dismiss out of hand
One, there is often overlap of experiences between people who are dealing with different struggles, life stages, conditions, and other things. A couple struggling with infertility struggles with at least some similar things as the single person, since both desire a really good thing that is just not coming. They have both experienced the wait, unfulfilled longing, and disappointment of each thing, so there can be an understanding between them even though they are going through different things.
Second, when you have been dealing with something for a really long time, you often become very emotional about that thing. Those emotions can often cloud your ability to see your trial from a different perspective or see all of the facts of the situation. A person who has never gone through what you’ve gone through likely does not have that emotional clouding, so he may be able to see facts or perspectives that are valuable, but you cannot see. So, while someone being an “outsider” about a certain struggle is often used as a reason to dismiss anything that they say, I think the fact that a person has not experienced a certain trial in life actually gives one reason to at least listen to and consider what the person says because they may have a perspective on the situation that the struggler does not have.
What I’m saying is that if you are struggling with a particular thing and an “outsider” about that struggle gives their insight, it is worth at least considering what the person says to see if it is true or helpful. Don’t automatically dismiss the wisdom, advice, or general thoughts that they give simply because they’re an outsider. They may actually be getting at the truth.
